my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
