Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
