Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
