I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
