I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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