the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize