dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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