I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
