so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it hurts more in the daytime
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
