You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
