there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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