I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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