I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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