Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
