we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
