i will never coherently bang her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
