we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
