did you get engaged???
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
