he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
