Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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