Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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