I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize