I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
