I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
