Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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