Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
