Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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