I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i've created a new STD.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
