WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
