I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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