If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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