I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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