And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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