Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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