she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
