I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
