I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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