Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
