Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
