I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Randomize
