Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
