I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
