I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize