Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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