Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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