you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
