i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
