3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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