it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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