It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
