ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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