Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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