u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
should my penis look like a turkey
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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