"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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