DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize