He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were trust falling into bushes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
