I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want a musical about memes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize