i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
this hospital has no fireball
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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