i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
