She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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