Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
