I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
