Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
