we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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