He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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