did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
