I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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