peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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