How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bring money and cleavage
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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