i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
