And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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