So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize