Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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