how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
