I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
