Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize