My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
