I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
