I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
