I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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