if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
