I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
