I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
pray to the hookup gods
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
