i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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