I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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