I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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