I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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