Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
