We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
