I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
