I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
