My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
