he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
