He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
