i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
